i take back what i said about our HR department ...

hr head had me called in his office at 4:30 p.m. yesterday. after a long conversation, he gave me the great news -- the school board decided to cover my operation (or at least pay for what i'd be entitled to had i been covered by the health card) given my years of exemplary service.

yay. thank you god.

* * *

my favorite line when well meaning people ask me if i'm fine and all that -- i'm depressed cause with the stitches i'll never be a bold star.

* * *

wish they'd give me a free lipo too!

will be operated on next week. it costs an arm and a leg -- P70,000 -- way more than what i have in the bank.

with P70,000 i can buy ...
... seventy pairs of shoes at P1,000 each.
... a plane ticket to the states
... send myself to law school for the next ten semesters
... buy 70,000 bluebooks from to coop to be distributed to harassed law students till kingdom come, or the bluebooks run out, whichever comes first
... send my brother to medical school for a year
... change my cellphone, pay for a year's phone bills, and then some

* * *

but how will i make P70,000?
... sell all my shoes and bags and books
... advance my salary for the next so many months, take out an sss loan
... beg my mom and dad for money
... take out an advance on my legitime from parents, inheritance from lola and from my favorite aunt
... sing underneath the quezon ave. mrt station. if 70,000 kind people would pass by, each giving me a peso, i'd have money (except that maitim na ang butas ng ilong ko by the time i make that kind of money.
... work for a week in pegasus, lexus, or one of those bars.

aaaaaahhhhhhhh!

* * *

the weird thing was i'm not really worried about the operation. i'm more worried about who will enroll for me and missing the first few weeks of law school.

* * *

by the way, SCREW HEALTH SOLUTIONS and OUR F***KING HR DEPARTMENT.

that's the reason why i need to cough up P70,000. turns out i'm not covered yet.

finished with ipl final exam ... 5:54 a.m.

went six hours beyond the twelve midnight deadline. just read his mail where he said he's giving incompletes for the late submissions. am hoping he didn't really check his mail last night and will just open it when he gets to the office later.

please?!?!

oh my. house next to us got broken into at four this morning. mom was awake already that time and she didn't hear a thing.

pam blogged about how scary it is to venture out of your house ... but now i'm scared even when i'm at home too.

you watch television and tell yourself, "hey, that will never happen to me."
you go to church and pray, "lord, don't let anything happen to me."

but sometimes, when you least expect it, where you least expect it, it does happen to you.

house was violated by an intruder early this morning at three a.m. screen door at the back was left unlocked. when my mom left the kitchen where she was doing her work, an intruder broke into our brightly lit kitchen. mom caught him as he was rushing outside already. nothing got stolen but it was very difficult to sleep after that. every little sound may mean someone still trying to break into our house.

* * *

of course it didn't help that i re-read the red dragon last week and saw the movie last saturday.

i don't care if the intruder looks as hot as ralph fiennes ... stay out of my house!

* * *

25 hours until my ipl finals are due ... hoping i could pull off another miracle -- an all-nighter to be exact -- and earn really high marks for this one. in order to "internalize" the test, i actually bought yan yan and nyam nyam yesterday and compared not only how the two containers looked like but actually conducted my very own taste test. ended up really full last night, but didn't get started on exam still. now, i'm actually attempting to do it but ... haven't blogged since last thursday and ... grrr. such poor, poor, poor self-control.

* * *

speaking of self-control, i finally bought the belt from bayo i've been eyeing for FOUR WEEKS! figured that if i can spend a lot of money eating out since law school let out for sembreak and if i can waste money on useless paper and pen stuff (my absolute weakness, dunno why!) then i can very well spend money for a belt.

and so i did.

* * *

maybe the belt will help me finish my ipl finals.

labo.

sometimes my job gets to be really tough (school visits, paperwork, checking papers, giving grades) or irritating (dealing with bosses, whining students, support staff who don't support you) but there are days when you begin to believe that you're actually doing the right thing teaching.

today was one of those days.

the final exams of my students in child development and education has always been a pre-school simulation. they are assigned a classroom (today we had an entire auditorium of sorts) to arrange. we invite kids of the staff and faculty while they bring in all sorts of materials and furniture and what happens is that one spot of the university is miraculously transformed into a pre-school classroom. it's so so so fulfilling to see your own students actually TEACHING ... well, i've seen them teach before but today THEY ORGANIZED THE ENTIRE THING THEMSELVES! they were THE master teachers ...

wow. these kids were really, really great. am so proud of them.

* * *

there will be another one this coming saturday. keep your fingers crossed.

* * *

in case you want to see what my kids are capable of (shameless blog-promotion right here!) why don't you bring your own kids, nephews, nieces, granchildren, or friends ... email me your name and number at rvillanv@hotmail.com and i'll get in touch with you for the details.

am promising you it'll be worth the time.

i might have just flunked succession.

can life get any worse?

* * *

asked bad idea to get my exam booklet for me since i had to do a school visit this morning. he just texted me my grade and it's so effing low. i knew the answers. i was able to discuss the exam with my classmates afterwards. and for the first time, i was actually convinced about the points i raised.

why? why? why?

* * *

drop law school, go finish thesis, and lead a boring life. that's what i ought to do really.

why do i torture myself with law school????

* * *

evil evil evil bad idea! he texted me the wrong grade ... i actually got a much higher grade than what he told me i got.

whew. no need to leave law school yet. now if only i would get something like that for corpo and transpo.

was going through four-year-old copies of marie claire when a section caught my eye: it was a feature on three stars (matt le blanc, the guy from ally mcbeal, and one of the guys who did scary movie) and some quirky and normal habits they might have, like whether they'd allow you to use their razor, what time they wake up saturdays, and how much of the remote control they're willing to give up ...

which got me thinking (rare! rare!) . . .

can you stand me?

... if i hog all the pillows and the blanket at night.
... if i have to read something before sleeping.
... if i happen to like britney spears (gasp!) and sharon cuneta (gasp! gasp!)
... if my favorite movie is silence of the lambs.
... if i can stay in bed all day doing nothing but watch tv and read.
... if i don't like watching movies, especially when it's a guy's idea of a decent date.
... if i have a thing for smelly foods: tuyo, mangga at bagoong, spicy dilis . . .
... if i get irritated when you don't get what i'm explaining after three tries.
... if i don't like waiting.
... if i fall asleep while watching movies sometimes.

had the most tiring friday ever: la salle to UP, UP to work, work to linden, linden to quezon ave, quezon ave to philcoa, philcoa to katipunan, katipunan to alabang ...

so imagine my reaction when pmpj proposed that he just drop me off the dorm after we meet ... no way, no friggin' way.

* * *

plans weren't as messy to begin with: ride home with judy. since judy had a meeting at shangri-la until 9 thereabouts, i could squeeze in coffee with pmpj at the podium before going home. problem was that it seemed as if everyone's plans changed at 5:30 -- judy was choosing between attending the meeting and going to a wake and pmpj wanted to meet in alabang instead of the podium since he was assigned to the alabang office yesterday. ok, no problem-- pmpj said he'd wait until 10 p.m.

but when things go wrong, they really go wrong.

first, bad idea invited us to linden since it was monsoon's anniversary -- and judy wanted to go. so we went. at 8:30, i told judy that i was going to commute so that i'd make it to alabang by ten. no such luck -- judy said kawawa siya cause it would mean she'd be driving home alone.

to make the long story short, i got to alabang at 11:15 ... thank god for pmpj's really geeky looking (sorry...) officemate who babysat while i wasn't there yet.

* * *

got home really late -- or early -- depending on how you view it. that was why pmpj proposed to drop me off the dorm instead, just so that i wouldn't have to sneak in our house so late. but since i've texted that i would be going home, i had to. snuck in, tried to sleep, only to wake up less than two hours later -- mom woke up early and decided to talk about my week at 5:30 a.m. amazing thing was i did manage to appear as if i had had a good night's rest.

* * *

to rey or not to rey ...

i miss him. i miss him missing me. i miss our long conversations over the telephone, and how we spent the first few hours of our relationship talking on the phone. i miss our saturday dates and how we didn't allow holy week or final exams to break our dating streak. i miss his patience. i miss how he'd share with me lines from pablo neruda. i miss going on adventures with him, and how he'd tease me about my solution to drunkeness was falling asleep after my fourth bottle. i miss him writing cards and leaving them on my table. i miss how he'd buy flowers from annabel's and how for the first time in his life he didn't have flowers delivered.

i miss him. i still love him.

* * *

stupid.stupid.stupid.

was with rey yesterday and he made me listen to gary granada's saranggola sa ulan.

personally, am not into THAT kind of music, but since it was HIM asking and since there was nothing better to do, i did. he promised that he'd give me an extra copy he had if i liked it.

the fourth song in the album, saranggola sa ulan, was amazing. one particular stanza felt like gary knew me and wrote it for me personally:
gaya ng lagi't laging sinasabi ko
o siya nawa ay siya na nga ang totoo
eto na naman ako sa aking kabaliawn
na sinasabi nga nilang suntok sa buwan
ngunit hindi hihindian
ng tulad kong natuto nang
magpalipad ng saranggola sa ulan

*surfed the net for lyrics -- and found one from valkryie's blog.

* * *

oh, and i'm most likely seeing pmpj tonight. yay.

maybe i shouldn't have apologized at all.

or maybe i should've apologized ONCE then stopped when he said he'd get back at me one of these days.

apologized profusely again via text before going home. at 11:20 p.m. he sent me a message:
"no need to say you're sorry. you've said what you've said. there's no taking it back. all because of a bad fucking day"
told him that that was exactly why i was asking him to forgive me. his reply? NO WAY.

why do i even bother?

* * *

might ... read: MIGHT ... get to see rey finally ...

am actually happy.

another nail on my doormat coffin.

* * *

sayang SAYANG sayang!

was looking for something to do after corpo exam last monday. it was the last for the sem (with the exception of the take-home for ipl) so i texted pmpj asking if i could kidnap him ...
he had a hearing so next time na lang, after the take home probably.

then he texted today asking me if i were going to kidnap him today.

DARN ... it could've been last tuesday, or yesterday but it had to be today, the one day this week that i have something. grr.

but at least i got to say "no" to him ... that's good sometimes, according to the rules.

only problem is i was never a rules girl.

no more teachers, no more books, no more classes, dirty looks!

yay. with the exception of one take-home exam in IPL, i am done DONE done this semester in law school. whether i do pass or not though is a totally different matter altogether.

* * *

BB told me that cyst is probably due to the stress of working while in law. she told me to drop law school and concentrate on work instead.

hell, no. and what, end up like her? (now whatever this means is not exactly clear to me though...)

* * *

cyst is quiet (not that i expected it to be noisy ... but ...)

life is so boringly normal: wake up, take a bath, go to work, go home, sleep -- dunno if medicine even is working. the only change in my schedule would have to be that i actually have to make sure i take in something for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. that's it ...

have i expected too much from the invader in my body?

people do give me more concerned looks now, and my failure to pass a revised review of related literature was met with an "it's ok, rosa. rest first," from BB. when you're too cranky, you can always chalk it up to the "stress" of thinking about your health and all that. grandmothers and grand-aunts are likewise praying to their individual favorites in heaven for me too.

* * *

had a cursing spree with bad idea earlier. was too pissed to deal with his usual degrading comments so i decided to shut him up by texting him "t**g i** mo, m!"

uh-oh ... bad!bad!bad!

he cursed the hell out of me, squeezing in as many as he could given the 160-character limit.

had to apologize to keep the balance of nature going.

* * *

am doormat, really. why did i have to apologize?

happy happy birthday to my greatest addiction!

i hope you haven't forgotten about the cheeselogs offer ... since it's sembreak for you already, please do drop by one of these days and humor me with your presence.

am fine ... at least i think so.

mom accompanied me to the doctor yesterday. by 2 p.m. i was in a panic fit. i was imagining that the doctor would make me check in the hospital ASAP, slice me open, tell me i won't have kids anymore etc, etc.

nope, nothing THAT dramatic happened. one, the doctor apologized for not being there when the ultrasound results came out; two, she told me to wait till my next period for another ultrasound; and three, she prescribed expensive medicines.

was out of the clinic in one tenth of the time it took me to get in.

* * *

now i have to wait ... to think friday night i was planning my life around a major operation: not on the 14th cause i have finals, ipl due on the 29th so can't be then either, have 2 pre-school simulations on the 17th and 24th so can't be then, but mama leaving on nov 1 so has to be before then ...

seems like i have to wait and see. doctor attempted to explain it all to me but when your mind is preoccupied with thoughts like "shouldn't i be studying for corpo instead of listening to this?" you just can't grasp all those medical mumbo-jumbo.

the people you least expect are the people who are there.

judy offered to take me home to mom, pmpj unexpectedly texted and did show up, and j.a. said i'll be fine.

what would i have given for rey to at least call and tell me i'd be fine.

succession exam went quite ok ... j's advice actually worked: study reserva troncal, renunciation, partial intestacy, etc ... now if only all our answers would match.

an hour after the examinations, people were still outside malcom theatre discussing the exam --

"Ako binigay ko kay Virgil lahat dahil from the maternal line yung batangas property."

"Ha? Buhay pa si Lolita? Kala ko siya yung patay? Paano na yan? Binigay ko kay Lisa lahat?"

"Successional bar ... oo, convinced ako, nothing goes to Dominic by way of intestacy!"

We were so much into the exam that abi and i labeled a mutual crush "batangas property" ... and as a result, he is the subject of reserva troncal ...

his mom is most likely the mediate source, the current gf the prepositus. after she "passes away" (read: madispatcha!), abi will be the reservista, holding on to him for a while. in the end, being the reservatario, he will pass on to me FOREVER!

ha!

* * *

nag-illusyon na naman ako!

* * *

am seeing the doctor in five minutes ... keep your fingers crossed!

* * *

doctor was USELESS! all he did was interview me, ask about stuff, then send me for urinalysis and to another doctor. the other doctor has yet to arrive (been calling the clinic but she's not there).

so whoever said that lawyers were crappy were dead wrong ... it's the doctors really. first, they charge you exhorbitant rates without ever issuing a receipt. second, they interview you, poke you with their stethoscope, then send you to another doctor, that is after they have charged you an arm. third, they don't tell you anything definitive -- the answer i got earlier? "We'll see, we can't tell yet."

of course you can't tell yet -- you INTERVIEWED me.

* * *

reading "anatomy of love" and there were things that piqued my interest ...

Liebowitz and his colleague Donald Klein arrived at this conclusion while treating patients they called attraction junkies. These people crave a relationship. In their haste they pick an unsuitable partner. Soon they are rejected and their exhiliration turns to despair -- until they renew their quest ...
Both pyshciatrists suspected that these lovesick people suffered from a tangle in their romantic wiring -- specifically a craving for PEA [phenylethylamine]. So in some highly experimental work they gave these attraction junkies MAO inhibitors. These antidepressant drugs block the action of a special enzyme in the brain - monoamine oxidase or MAO, a class of substances that break down PEA and other neurotransmitters ...
To everyone's astonishment, within weeks of receiving MAO inhibitors, on perpetually lovesick man began to choose his partners more carefully, even starting to live comfortably without a mate.

a-ha.

so get me one of those MAO inhibitors, quick!

* * *

i have an endo-whatchamacallit-cyst. that's what's wrong with me. will find out more tomorrow though. tonight i pray real hard and real long.

please don't forget about me in YOUR prayers tonight. will need a lot of it.

final exam in succession in 7 hours and 31 minutes ...

not even the tension concerning upcoming exam has lessened my apprehension over THAT.

have done everything -- surf the net, text my doctor-aunt, ask everyone's opinion about it -- except what i should have logically done: haul my ass to the infirmary to find out exactly what's wrong with me.

* * *

the other day, as i was on my way home with bad idea, j, and c, bad idea started discussing about the crazy coincidences of life.

one of his friends took drugs for the first time on the day when his company decided to do an impromptu drug test.

another friend wanted to beat a red light at three in the morning -- the first time he thought of even remotely breaking the law. turned out that there was a policeman hiding around the corner in an unlighted car.

am i the third on that list? do something dumb for the first time ... end up in a big fix.

and unlike the other big fixes i have gotten myself into -- such as resigning from work without a back-up plan, this one takes the cake.

* * *

crazy tsang texted me this morning -- she won't be going to work so she asked me to inform BB that she'll be absent.

WTF? she could have done any of the following:
(1) texted BB herself -- it's the same one peso that she'll be using
(2) called the office from her landline
(3) told STAFF and not me who's not really concerned whether she makes it in today or not.

apparently, she has a habit of doing this as she wants to keep her cell number from the big bosses. when rosros was around, she used to text rosros to relay information to her highness or bb ... i guess i'm the chosen one now.

nothing ... nothing at all to say except am in really big fix if one of my fears were to come true.

darn. will never be THAT stupid again.

either i really need to keep my job or the rebel in me has died.

while the rest of the faculty have begun to wear more comfortable clothes -- jeans -- to work, i am still in office clothes.

what's wrong?

* * *

last night i found out that only three people passed last year's succession finals. WTF?

how then am i -- a really awful test-taker -- going to pass the effing exam?

ooohhh.

* * *

got my IPL mideterm exam results ... YAY!

am good.

told everyone that mattered to me about it ... including rey.

he didn't reply.

f*ckit.

since i have three more final exams to go (the one last saturday didn't turn out too well ... grrr) and i have to pass a revised review of related literature, and i want to chalk up all the good karma i can get ...

... ok lang yun, dale. huwag mo na lang sabihin pa sa ibang tao.

* * *

some cheesy lyrics to suit my cheesy mood ...

Every girl wants
You to be her man
But I'll wait my dear
'Til it's my turn
I'm not the kinda girl
Who gives up just like that
Oh no

The tide is high
But I'm holding on
I'm gonna be your #1
- the tide is high by atomic kitten

Wish I knew then
What I know now
You held all the cards
And sold me out

Baby, shame on you if you fool me once
Shame on me if you fool me twice
You've been a pretty hard case to crack
Should've known better
but I didn't
and I can't go back
- life goes on by leann rimes

Dear, I fear we're facing a problem
You love me no longer, I know and
Maybe there is nothing that I can do
To make you do

Mama tells me I shouldn't bother
That I ougth to stick to another man
A man that surely deserves me
But I think you do

-love fool by the cardigans

* * *

was happily following one link to another, surfing the net, checking out other people's blog when boss arrived from her lunch meeting with vanvan --

"rosa, 1:30 meeting, ha. you have something for me already re: marketing. i'm expecting that."

gave her a totally bewildered look. ha? what? didn't we meet last week already? thesis not due until the 15th, right?

she then reprimanded me -- "remember? it was the day you were half asleep."

i remember that day, thank you. and we didn't talk about me coming up with anything. in fact, you didn't even want to meet with me since you were under the impression that i was stoned and all that. we did talk about my thesis revisions (which i was able to discuss coherently, you were the one who was lost as a kitten!) if i remember it correctly, YOU have to deal with art today, not me, cause he's going on a seminar. i'm not going anywhere.

welcome to my life.

WTF?

classmate popped the question yesterday (not THAT question) -- may blog ka ba?

i could've feigned ignorance - ha? anong blog?
i could've pretended to be dumb - ano ang blog?

but i failed the test. my jaw dropped and i mumbled something that sounded like "how did you find out?"

ooohhh. apprently, one of my blockmates has a penchant for searching stuff on the web and while he was searching for a prof j's name he stumbled across my blog. darnit.

and it didn't stop there ... he had to text a couple of people and then email some to check out my blog.

grrrrrr.

* * *

it's weird really. part of you wants the hits on your block. you wouldn't post an online journal unless part of you wanted someone to sit up and take notice. sometimes you even hope that the person you hate/love/loathe/adore would stumble in one day and would just be amazed at your wit/depth/charm/intelligence and sweep you off your feet or stay out of your life or be your really good friend.

but that SOMEONE you want to stumble would definitely NOT be a blockmate in law school. ooohhhh.

contemplated on doing any of the following stuff:
(1) killing HIM but that would entail the wrath of his stomping crew
(2) changing the domain name but that would mean changing a whole lot of stuff and i'm just not in the mood to do that, especially since i'm supposed to be studing instead of blogging
(3) deleting the entries which contain stuff i should've censored, but that would be the same as tearing off pages of your own journal.
(4) denying that i wrote all the entries here.

ended up doing nothing except to seethe inside.

exams...at least for me and my block will officially begin at 4 today.

transportation and maritime law. i am barely halfway through the coverage of the exam, yet i am stuck in a tiny stall in the shopping center trying to deal with a god-awful keyboard.

people here keep warning everyone that they'll close at 11:30 to take lunch. of course i will be out of here at 1130! i just had to do this to get rid of stress ...

what stess? the stress that my roommate sometimes inflicts on me when she decides to comment on my sleeping/eating/studying/working habits at the worst possible moment. grrrr.

last night, i got home around 8:30, quite late considering that i went straight home from work. roommate wasn't there yet so i hastily ate my dinner and decided to get settled down to deal with transpo law.

uh-oh... she arrived and then proceeded on to give an irritating commentary on my life:

"wow, rosa, ang aga mo nag-aral ngayon ha!" (wow, rosa, you're studying early today.)

"parang hindi ako sanay na naka-upo ka sa desk mo." (i don't think i'm used to seeing you at your desk)

"hindi ka yata tulog ngayon?" (it seems like you're not asleep yet)

if it weren't for the fact that
(1) i'll be with her in the same room for the next two years, probably
(2) she's a great roommate, most of the time
(3) we get along quite ok
(4) she's not fussy
(5) she doesn't touch my stuff
i'd have hurled that thick book right at her ... that thick book which cost me a lot of money, has proved itself useless, and i have hardly read all sem... grrr. but that's another issue altogether.

pam, gising na ... di ka pa nagsusulat sa blog mo ... paano na 'ko?

* * *

i, one of my favorite persons in the universe, sent me an email complaining about my infatuation with pmpj.

nothing to worry about cause something happened last night that made me realize stuff i should've learned, digested, memorized, understood -- ah basta! -- a long long time ago ...

* * *

as i was talking to vanvan earlier, she pointed out a resolution i ought to make: quit talking about your lovelife. guys prey on the needy and romantics. live your life and he will come.

she's always right. darnit.

so, no more pmpj, bad idea, lust crush, etc etc. best of all, no more pining after rey. if there was something that was a complete waste of time, love, effort, energy, affection, money, etc, it would've been the two and then some years with him.

* * *

new life probably comes with a new look for my blog ... and some added features. *pat myself on the back*

* * *

same time tomorrow, i would probably be just about ready to slay myself for spending my entire friday afternoon redoing the template of my blog instead of studying for transpo.

because today, these were the only things i got to do ....
1. pick up my transpo reviewer
2. have ma'am jardaleza sign my dorm renewal form
3. accompany bad idea to lunch
4. talk to vanvan about baguio
5. strut around office
6. read my favorite blogs
7. fix the way my blog looks like
8. text ... answer email ... surf ... text ... bum ...

and to think i lugged to work my thick book, reviewers, a big umbrella, a trench coat, and five highlighters. told myself that the break was god-given as i would get the chance to study.

so much for studying.

had almost half a day's worth of sleep ... was yawning the entire time teacher was trying to make us undertstand the difference between a merger and a consolidation (throwing in some trustee relationship for good measure!) while discussing foreign corporations in the process ... and was happily surprised when he dismissed the class a little before 8.

wow .. heaven sent!

went home, changed, and prepared for bed. was all tucked up by 8:30, only to find out i couldn't sleep.

WTF? was silently screaming to myself "tulog na! tulog na!" tried to lull myself into sleep by reading for succession. i managed NOT to understand it, but still couldn't sleep. before i knew it, i had read fifteen pages of it but was still wide awake!

turned off all the lights, my phone, the cd player and prayed to god to please let me sleep.

He did.

* * *

bummed at the dorm this morning ... got to work after lunch already as i ate lunch with bad idea in katipunan first : )

* * *

have a new resolution ... will not allow myself to fall in love (or even remotely like!) useless men in the future ... that includes rey, lust crush, bad idea, bestest ex, pmpj ...

will also begin to be serious about working out and dieting ...

it's all part of the PEARL PROJECT ... before the year is through, should've done my MA thesis, be serious about law, and wife-material.

hah.

three a.m., lousy song on the radio with a very chipper deejay ...

and still doing my ipl exam! f.u.c.k.

i at least have finished typing stuff i have "cut" out of his coursepack into the actual numbers. i at least now know whether my answer will be in the affirmative or negative. i at least now know that dictionaries are copyrightable ... yay.

but my answer does not read like a lawyer's work, at least not yet.

i am setting 4:30 a.m. as a self-imposed deadline. i would have to finish it by then, email it to sir, then sleep until 8 a.m. ... will get to work late, will be brain dead in corpo again, but at least i'm done with one exam.

* * *

feeling guilty over my heady crush state over pmpj. g, the wife of my friend who's cheating, texted me yesterday asking me to give her a reason to fix their marriage. i gave her lots but it was clear that she wanted out ... it was not the first time he had strayed.

even if the message came in the middle of my thesis-cramming session, i couldn't help but feel awful over the entire thing. i've always like g, even if i've never really met her (our meeting consister of her waving from a car backing out of a parking space). it's sad when you start asking for advice from a girl who was the seatmate of your husband for one semester, twice a week.

i mean, what i felt when i was groping for answers from rey's friends regarding his sudden coolness and indifference towards me, would barely even scratch the surface of the possible emotional whirlpool that g is in right now. rey may have cheated, fallen out of love, and whatnot, but i could always leave. g's married, with four young children. that's scary.

pmpj's with someone ... no matter how platonic our relationship may be, i think i know exactly what his gf feels, and would feel, about me. he's cheated on her before, and that makes it worse. given my growing infatuation, it'll be scary when i really fall in love with him, gf and all.

so, i'm staying away, for good, for real. if not for the gf, then for g ... and her kids.

* * *

gosh ... finished everything at 8:25 a.m.

so here i am at the office ... no sleep, no nothing.

#5 and #6 of my exam were complete bullshit already ... as in i'm willing to be my teacher would go "WTF did this girl write in here?"

my mistake was that i spent way too much time on #1 and #2 -- turned out they were only 10 points each. i couldn't even figure out what to do with 5 and 6 anymore. by then, my brain was mush.

* * *

last night though, was a blast, in terms of texting ...

you know who you are : )