quarter life crisis

LBD...quintessential for every LADY!

2009-02-18T13:24:00.000-08:00

Link

it's about time we focused on something else other than the rihanna episode!

instead of forwarding this, i

2009-01-21T12:42:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the 2009 edition of getting to know your Friends. press FORWARD '

then change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to your
friends including the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you
will learn a lot of little things about your friends that you might not have
known!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:30 am

2. Diamonds or pearls? pink diamond

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? bride wars just yesterday at MOA

4. What is your favorite TV show? AI

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? anything that goes with silog

6. What color shirt are you wearing right now? white

7. What food do you dislike? peanuts

8. What is your favorite CD at moment? self-titled albums of david cook & david archuleta, ne-yo's year of the gentleman, NKOTB's the block, eraserheads reunion concert

9. What kind of car do you drive? britney

11. What characteristic do you dislike? insecure!!!

12. Favorite item of clothing? it varies from shorts to jeans to mini skirts to dresses. i love clothes!

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? europe

14. Favorite brand of clothing? whatever

15. Where would you retire to? my dream house (a country house w/ a spa theme situated on the mountains)

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? 2005

17. Favorite sport to watch? basketball, tennis

18. Furthest place you are sending this? denmark

19. First person you expect to respond? rosa

20. When is your birthday? secret

21. Are you a morning person or a night person? good morning!!!

22. What is your shoe size? 7 1/2

23. Pets? cookie and spice (a.k.a. bebe gandanghari)

24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? may bf na ako?

25. What did you want to be when you were little? dra.

26. How are you today? good

27. What is your favorite candy? baskin robbins mint chocolate, max cherry

28. What is your favorite flower? none

29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? every weekend

30. What's your full name? bebe gandanghari!

31. What are you listening to right now? "i hate this part" by the PCD

32. What was the last thing you ate? truffles chocolate. yum-my!

33. Do you wish on stars? uh huh

34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? pink

35. How is the weather right now? getting warm

36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? didn't talk to no one

37. Favorite soft drink? sprite ice

38. Favorite restaurant? conti's and sinangag express, also known as sex

39. Real hair color? black

40. What was your favorite toy as a child? game and watch

41. Summer or winter? would like to experience winter

42. Hugs or kisses? hugs

43. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

44. Coffee or tea? me

45. Do you want your friends to email you back? if they have to

46. When was the last time you cried? quite a while...

47. What is under your bed? stuff

48. What did you do last night? listened to podcasts to make me sleep

49. What are you afraid of? ghosts?

50. Salty or sweet? maalat

51. How many keys on your key ring? 3

52. How many years at your current job? almost 10

53. Favorite day of the week? sabado nights

54. How many towns have you lived in? 2

55. Do you make friends easily? miss congeniality

56. How many people will you send this to? i dunno...

57. How many will respond? 1?

58. What did you want for Christmas? david cook's album (i got it!)

guess who's watching the eheads concert?

2008-08-28T18:11:00.000-07:00

ME! ME! ME! ME!

2003-04-12T19:51:00.000-07:00

things have changed and so i've moved my online life somewhere else.

the last nine months have been great.

2003-04-11T14:01:00.001-07:00

i may just have successfully set two people up... amazing.

she writes well. he writes well.

she loves food. he loves food.

she has a band, he has a band.

they both love doreen fernandez and aerosmith.

i can feel a song coming on... "matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match. catch me a catch. find me a find."

they're still chatting now as i post this.

2003-04-11T12:27:00.000-07:00

so fun today that i almost forgot i had an agref paper to finish

2003-04-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

exam... take home but i'm in no mood to do it.

bad girl.

2003-04-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

hitting the books

exams killed me friday and saturday. i knew i had an entire week to study for civpro and agref but between making two exams for my own students, checking papers, catching up on sleep, and bumming in general, i crammed for the two exams.

so even if teacher apparent reused the jurisdiction quiz, i totally winged it. the hell i care if don pedro's estate is being seized by the agaw-lupa gang. i have absolutely no idea who has jurisdiction (hey wait ... that's regional trial court cause it's a criminal case)... fine, i knew some of it but brain totally died on me.

and i'm not yet done! i have to make the agref paper, take the pil finals, do the pil integrated outline, AND the friggin' thesis. oh, grades. mag-darts na lang kaya ako?

* * *

since i've started law school, i've been sorely tempted to just randomly give grades -- a.k.a. darts -- at the end of the semester. no matter how religiously i check at the start of the sem, somewhere in the middle i just stop checking and a whole pile accumulates in my desk and before i know it it's two nights away from grades deadline and it would take two all-nighters to finish the pile.

it doesn't help that crunch time at work is crunch time in law school. grrr.

but i've never done it. i'd like to think that there's some merit to the idea of a karma and that if i did my students wrong, some teacher would do the same to me.

* * *

replying to your comments

bundi: according to vanessa, that wasn't exactly an eb. it was just me seizing the opportunity to meet you. an eb, according to her, takes a lot of planning and stuff. oh well. i just find it weird that now i actually know you i see you around the school a lot.

habits: ay, if he ever read the bong revilla comment he'd freak. alam mo naman yon, feeling ... but don't tell him that. he actually has visions of himself being gentle and kind.

specpro classmate: you might know her. nahihiya na tuloy ako sa comments ko... non-chick, unpretty. kala mo naman kung sino akong carmina villaroel (he!he!)

* * *

saw another beautiful bag ... the martian offered to buy it for me. told him no. no no no no no no no no (yes? yes? please!) no no no no no ...

beginning to hate the car. had it not been for the car insurance (comprehensive!), registration, and 65,000 km repair at the casa (wtf? who else has their car checked-up in the casa?) on top of first semester tuition and books, i would have bought the bag right there and then. but microsoft money has all these reminders that i'll be overdrawn in june and stuff if i don't start saving more every payday.

before i had the car i had money to burn. i hardly took cabs as i was scared of them. i had visions of either (a) not having enough money to pay for the cab fare or (b) me falling asleep (as i always do!) and waking up somewhere else (which has never happened ever). so i took the jeep (P4.75), the mrt (P11.50) and walked from shaw to uap. lost around five pounds that way, just strolling through ortigas with my big bag and high heels.

ngayon, i waste that much in terms of gas money just parking the car.

grrr.

2003-04-02T16:48:00.000-08:00

return of the comeback

ROTC #1: bored with the bubbles thing, decided to re-use this template instead.

* * *

ROTC #2: guess who's in manila? bacolod boy!

brief history: went to bacolod last summer to accompany really good friend chase after her i'm-done-with-highschool-so-i'm-now-going-to-college-but-i-feel-so-mature non-boyfriend (well, they totally denied they were together but i'm not THAT stupid). non-boyfriend's uncle happened to be bacolod boy. bacolod boy's in law school too, a little older than me, and was the main reason why bacolod became fun.

only one hitch: he has this girlfriend. let's just say she's unpretty. and bacolod boy spent his entire youth chasing after this girl. and let me reiterate it: she's unpretty. totally. she's nice and confident and sweet and smart and godly and all that. but as jaemark says, it's crap when guys say that the first thing they notice in a girl is her smile or her eyes.

anyway, found out only now that bacolod boy's in manila. and that he's got something for me. so although i've been avoiding my church friends since both of them missed my birthday party (and they cancelled out last minute too! the freaks. *evil me talking*) i've a mind to meet them this weekend.

but no. pride pride pride. kahit pa siguro engagement ring and jimmy choo shoes yung pasalubong, dead-ma lang. hmph. di naman nabubulok ang diamonds at sapatos. makapaghihintay siya.

* * *

ROTC #3: driving dreams.

dreamt i was driving again. only this time, i was driving the martian's van. weird thing was that i was in the passenger seat.

lecheng stephen speaks yan. pati panaginip ko, passenger seat!

2003-04-01T21:20:00.000-08:00

totoo ba si jules?

that was the first question i asked him when he sat down beside me in starbucks. of course i just had to ask him about the lolo in the kanto, and her about her mom.

yep, i just had my first eb. amazing.

had i known that eb meant it's-such-a-maid-and-driver-thing eyeball, i probably wouldn't have gone. that would have sounded downright tacky. but when pam texted asking me if i wanted to meet up with her, j, and jaemark, it sounded nice to finally see three people whose lives i read on a daily (well, almost daily) basis that civpro, agref, and pil finals aside, i trekked to makati to see them.

fun.fun.fun. it felt like meeting up with long lost cousins. i had all these questions i just had to ask ... which was a VERY big mistake cause it was not long before they began thinking i sort of looked like kris aquino. (di naman, diba?)

they were every bit the kind of people i hoped they'd be. so, although i told myself that i'd be on my way home after an hour or so, i found myself first having coffee, then dinner, then dessert (oh-so-heavenly chocnut ice cream) with them. it didn't matter that the catfish and mango salad was actually glorified ensalada, and that no one liked what they had for dinner ... the three people whose lives i find interesting turned out to be interesting people in real life too!

sa uulitin!

2003-03-31T16:09:00.000-08:00

have.to.make.that.frigging.final.exam.i.have.to.give.my.students.later.

arrgh. that's how slow my brain is working this morning.

2003-03-27T17:57:00.000-08:00

shamelessly ~~stole~~ borrowed from acid rain (with a few additions of my own!)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
flunking the bar, losing my parents, growing old alone

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
auntie (i challenge anyone to keep a straight face while listening in on her phone conversations!), judy, my cousin jiggy

THREE THINGS I LOVE:
shoes, bags, clothes

THREE THINGS I HATE:
stupidity, irresponsibility, incompetence

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
love, bett's handwriting, calculus

THREE THINGS IN MY BAG:
cross pen, cellphone, wallet

THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
typing, preparing for my class, thinking of exam tom

TWO THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
wear jimmy choo shoes, get married

THREE THINGS I CAN FINALLY DO:
drive, write a thesis, put on make-up without looking like a clown

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
shallow, fun, sunny

THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
sing, not go shopping, mamalengke

THREE THINGS I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID:
cheat on my significant other (but not the martian!), drive in EDSA, actually start working on my thesis

THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
bee cheng hiang's pork thing, purefoods corned beef, alda's grasshopper mint pie

THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
park the car properly, obligations and contracts (i passed but i didn't learn a thing!), to love unconditionally

THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
rootbeer, pink lemonade, water

THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
great space coaster, care bears, my little pony

2003-03-27T17:30:00.000-08:00

this was what kept me laughing the entire morning.

2003-03-26T22:09:00.000-08:00

i used to be able to keep track of everyone who read my blog.

now, a new name crops up now and then in the comments section. surprise, surprise.

can i make a request then? if you read my blog, please sign in the comments section and please note down your website so i can read YOUR blog too.

* * *

jayvee, i haven't forgotten the promise to link you. but unfortunately, i've forgotten your address. can you please post it in the comments section too? thanks.

btw -- good luck sa defense mo!

2003-03-25T17:54:00.000-08:00

this alexis/ codename: shaider thing seems to have affected everyone.

even the usually down-with-the-government-cause-they're-too-effing-(now fill this with a present issue) kule had written something about his death.

wow.

2003-03-24T17:16:00.000-08:00

and so the passion has died

i'm not passionate about anything anymore. i'm not passionate about my job. i'm not passionate about law school. i'm not passionate about my (oh-god-i'm-so-happy-it's-nearly-over-that-i-can-just-kiss-this-really-irritating-guy-in-law-school) thesis either.

come to think of it, i'm not even passionate about my relationship either.

(now my dear martian if you're reading this -- and i know you read my blog when i post something like this -- this does not mean i love you less, ok?)

i'm just cruising along life. it would seem as if i'm one of those people you see riding the fx everyday whose life is one big cycle: wake up, go to work, eight or so hours of work, go to law, two hours or so of studying, go home, study a while, sleep. it's not even exciting!

how i wish i had some of the passion jaemark has. i mean, look at the guy: he never goes home, considers blogging and peeing his ultimate break from work, and actually has time to write a speech for his baby sister.

or pam. she works. she parties. she even has time to attend her baccalaureate mass.

or unica hija. she works. she has a sideline. she goes to school. she goes on blind dates. she takes her dad out to the movies and her mom to the parlor.

as for me... i wasn't even able to watch the buzz last sunday (people at the dorm were watching s files. screw them.) and to think seeing kris aquino lose weight has been my only passion the last couple of months.

*sigh*

*even bigger sigh*

help.

2003-03-23T17:44:00.000-08:00

found my archives. whew.

* * *

not that i'd want to remember the awful, very pathetic, simpering wuss of a girlfriend i was when i was with the ex.

it just feels nice to know they're there.

* * *

have 42 pages of thesis done ... need to whip up around 58 more.

that's where the gazillions of notecards come in. that and a whole lot of s**t.

2003-03-20T18:16:00.000-08:00

my archives are missing.

* * *

shaider is dead. remember the famous line? time space warp, ngayon din!

* * *

one week to do as much as i can for my thesis.

that shouldn't be a problem, except that it's the same i week i should be slaving over my law books for FOUR exams.

sometimes i ask myself, why do i even bother? people i took my masters with all have pending thesis too. the only one who is slated to defend a thesis was one who was done with her coursework when i started with mine. imagine. she had four or so years to work on a thesis. my thesis adviser, the *evil* bb, is panicking, telling me how mine will definitely fail to measure up to the other girl's oh-so-polished thesis.

ha! was she awarded a palanggana award by her comm 2 teacher? i was. and for me, that means i'll be able to give her a run for her money.

(play rocky theme here)

right? maybe not. but then again this can always go to the land of the missing archives and i can always pretend i didn't write this when the panel rejects my thesis. he. he.

2003-03-17T18:04:00.000-08:00

my tummy actually gets places ahead of the rest of my body.

bad bad sign. apparently, driving around doesn't only mean a thinner wallet for me but also the absence of much needed exercise. i used to say that i had the best exercise routine in the whole world:
1. up the mrt stairs with weights -- 5 kilos of lawbooks -- one repetition
2. quezon ave to shaw blvd with weights - ten to fifteen minutes. practice your breathing here especially if person next to you decided to forgo the shower or thinks that perfume can make up for the lack of appeal.
3. down the mrt stairs, again with weights
4. brisk walking with weights.
rest for the next 8 hours
5. brisk walking with weights.
6. sit on bus. repeat breathing exercise, but this time, for half an hour. not your fault if you fall asleep at this point.
7. squeeze on last seat available on up-philcoa jeep as you're already late for class. perfect for those thigh mucles.
8. pretend to look intelligent so teacher won't call you in class. this would have to be the facial exercise part.
9. walk to dorm, with weights.

* * *

did i mention you have to do these in heels?

2003-03-16T15:02:00.000-08:00

would you believe that the biggest issue in uap politics is red juice?

this is what too much liberal education does to you.

2003-03-14T18:51:00.000-08:00

allow me to quote myself (pam i hope your teacher doesn't read this otherwise i'd be plagiarizing myself too!):

i tried to convince myself that it was pangit. i fingered the workmanship and commented that it was poorly done. told myself that people would tell me that my bag looks like a basket people use to go to the market with. told myself i have more than one bag for each day of the week. reminded myself that i bought two shoes last thursday just because i felt the need to do so. i made a mental list of stuff that's upcoming: car insurance, car registration, first semester tuition fee, the possible hong kong trip with my brother, the possible bangkok trip with my lola and aunt.

guess who owns that bag now?

me.

US may be starting war this monday but i have a really beautiful bag.

* * *

was walking from law to the shopping center when i passed by a really sad wedding at the UP chapel.

at least it was sad for me cause there seemed to be more people in the entourage than guests!

i just hope that the marriage isn't anything at all like the wedding. i hope that the couple will be blessed with lots of family and friends to help them through the tough times, to join them through the good ones, and to stay the hell out through the really passionate moments.

2003-03-13T18:25:00.000-08:00

some people multi-task way too much. this morning i saw a girl combing her waist-long hair while crossing the street.

* * *

cute guy in the mrt.

white shirt, black pants, yellow rubbershoes, and the cutest bag. his hair was neatly parted on one side and had some sort of pomade/gel/hair putty holding it down.

if you know him tell him i have a crush on him. i was the girl in red across him. doubt if he noticed though.

2003-03-12T17:39:00.000-08:00

thanks for this.

at 9:30 in the morning, i was actually crying.

2003-03-11T22:12:00.000-08:00

happy birthday to you!

remember when i first met you? i was grade seven, you were grade six, and we were both graduating from elementary school. i hated your guts then. you were this short guy who creamed me at "21" and laughed at me for being so awful at throwing free throws. i swore i regretted the fact that you had to be my kinakapatid just because our parents were good friends.

remember when we spent five days of summer together? we fought and fought and your mom thought twice of whether or not it would be a good idea to keep the two of us together in the same place. but then again, one evening we conspired to keep kit's toothbrush in one of the giant trophies in your living room and after that we were fine... more than fine. i can't forget the one night when we both woke up in the middle of the night because of the dog's incessant barking and how you kept me awake by calling out "lolo" and telling me that the dog barks when your dead lolo "visits" your lola in the middle of the night.

remember when you left without saying goodbye? that led to our biggest fight and after you came back, i refused to talk to you, no matter how many times you'd call me.

remember how we became friends again? i was so afraid of my ex who was then threatening me and i was all alone at home. you called, and unlike all the other times when i'd screen your calls or hang up on you or just tell you i was busy, i poured my heart out. you listened. instead of hating me for all the times i was hateful, you were grateful that something like that came up to bring us together again.

remember how we tried again? i remember. you broke my heart by telling me about "her" and "her problem" and how you had to go away because you loved her more than me.

remember how i wasn't there? you had big problems and you tried to reach out to me and asked me to be there. i remember making the flimsy excuse how i didn't know how to get to UST hospital to be there by your side when you needed me most.

most of all, i remember the thirteen blessed years of friendship with you, and how i know, no matter how much i screw up, you will be there and i will be there.

happy birthday my dear bud.

2003-03-09T15:07:00.000-08:00

belated happy birthday to you!

* * *

lonting tiis na lang, tapos na ...

... ang second semester. i feel as if i haven't learned much yet - hell, we're not even in "trial" as far as civil procedure is concerned. i have met my teacher in agrarian reform a grand total of five (six?) times only. i have no idea about what goes on in specpro with the exception of the stuff i've recited on. pathetic.

... ang second semester -- for my students! waaah! i have way too much more to teach them! help.

... ang lecheng thesis. last day of defense is on April 11. I am slowly filling up a box with my notecards and stuff. yeah, i know -- what the hell was i thinking starting only february...

* * *

of all the weird things to do at five in the morning, i looked for my bathing suits.

last summer i distinctly remember having two: this awful floral number and this black tankini. brought them to bacolod with me, and i remember forgetting the tankini and asking my friend to bring it back to manila with him when he came back. i don't know if i ever got it from him after that.

as for the awful floral number, i used it again when i went to subic but it's now missing.

a good excuse to stop eating and to buy those amazingly cute two piece numbers that's all the rage these days.

* * *

saw this oh-so-cute-i-will-stop-eating-so-i-can-buy-it rattan bag from the black shop. it looked like a basket that you could put eggs in, but had this nice red leather flap ...

oooohhhh... i saw it saturday. went back sunday to gaze at it again. the martian offered to buy it for me (he must've been embarassed as we had been standing there for close to twenty minutes already with me just gazing at the bag) but i said no (why?why?why?).

i tried to convince myself that it was pangit. i fingered the workmanship and commented that it was poorly done. told myself that people would tell me that my bag looks like a basket people use to go to the market with. told myself i have more than one bag for each day of the week. reminded myself that i bought two shoes last thursday just because i felt the need to do so. i made a mental list of stuff that's upcoming: car insurance, car registration, first semester tuition fee, the possible hong kong trip with my brother, the possible bangkok trip with my lola and aunt.

the fact that i'm blogging about it now, two days after i first saw it means that none of it has worked. i still want that bag.

2003-03-06T16:25:00.000-08:00

tumaas na naman ang gasolina. leche.

2003-03-02T00:02:00.000-08:00

happy birthday to me.

2003-02-27T19:47:00.000-08:00

i have to learn how to cook chicken mami by 6 p.m. tom. I've surfed the net and i've come out with this and this. i just hope that they are legitimate good recipes and that my guests don't die on me.

* * *

i also hope that they don't read this and find out i'm experimenting with them tomorrow night.

2003-02-26T16:31:00.000-08:00

i am so positively addicted to dewberry.

* * *

false alarm lang yon... of course i'd still blog. it's just that quarter life crisis doesn't sound so appropriate anymore. baka magalit si Lord na crisis pa rin tawag ko sa buhay ko kahit sobrang madami na siyang ginagawa for me.

so, the floor is now open for nominations for a new name for this blog.

2003-02-25T15:14:00.000-08:00

am i done with my quarter life crisis?

things have been okay the past few days, nothing to rant about anymore. when i first put up this blog, i was this bitter 25-year-old girl who was sick of her boyfriend (now ex, thank god), sick of her work, and sick of her life in general. i couldn't drive, i hated my job, and looked ugly as hell.

but now, i'm done with all that. the ex and i pretend to be friends now (i mean, really, with the exception of bestest ex, who could be friends with an ex?) and i'm okay with that. my job isn't any better but with two more years of law school and the possibility of actually finishing my thesis within the next two months, it's tolerable. i could drive now (thank god for small miracles) and i'm more independent. i have the martian who loves me a lot, plus my brother and i get along really well these days. and looking into the mirror isn't as bad as it used to be.

life is beautiful.

so you begin to think, is there any more reason to blog?

2003-02-19T16:20:00.000-08:00

what was gloria thinking?

read from the news that gloria pleaded with transport groups not to increase their fares but in the same breath commented that the gasoline price increase was just fair.

unleaded gas has increased by 2.19 centavos per liter since i started REALLY driving -- and that was only three months ago. i don't use the car that often and i don't drive long distances but i have felt the increase affect my gasoline budget. i have a feeling it has more than affected those who need gasoline to make a living.

2003-02-17T15:49:00.000-08:00

f**k!

thesis adviser just texted me asking if i can defend my master's thesis by march (eek!). told her, april na lang, on the pretense that march is finals time and that i have to work on the apprenticeship sites of my students before vacation.

i have done NOTHING at all ... save for the pachi-pachi stuff i concocted before i was operated on. now it's like i have to present something BIG to her by ten a.m.

darn. should've met with bestest ex* over the weekend so i would have at least something!

*bestest ex, two weeks ago, promised to help me write my thesis in exchange for a trip to sagada the moment i get my first paycheck as a master's graduate.

2003-02-16T16:34:00.000-08:00

would buying pink high-heeled slingbacks be considered a splurge?

if yes, then i may have spent too much on a pair of shoes.

2003-02-14T22:17:00.000-08:00

15 days na lang birthday ko na.

padala niyo na lang yung mga regalo niyo sa bahay o kaya sa office.

2003-02-13T18:21:00.000-08:00

it's valentine's day -- happy valentine's day!!!!

* * *

it's the martian's birthday! greet him for me, will 'ya?

* * *

people have been seriously doubting whether or not i did graduate from UP on account of my not having been to the UP fair EVER! so, last night, i did go to the fair for the first time (with the martian of course!).

now, we're both sporting fake tattoos on our wrists (his on his right, mine on the left). awwww... sentimental blokes.

2003-02-11T17:41:00.000-08:00

shallow

a student council that goes by some other fancy name had the brilliant idea of coming up with an 8-page glossy "student update paraphernalia."

point number 1: what does the word "paraphernalia" mean?
a collection of esp. small objects, esp. those needed for or connected with a particular activity
obviously, what they meant to use was pamphlet
a thin book with only a few pages which gives information or an opinion about something

point number 2: why print a "pat-on-the-back" sort of publication that describes one of your projects as "wala, baduy!", "it sucks ... master ko, bulok", and "ang KJ ng master ko!"?

point number 3: as it is, the impression of most people about the school is not quite the way we want it... why bolster that impressions with a council update that features the officers concerning themselves with carpool, hellweek, the varsity teams, and judging from the pictures, a whole lot parties and events which provides them with opportunities to break the staid dresscode?

makes you think sometimes that we haven't been doing our job properly.

no offense, bundi. i hope you understand where i'm coming from.

2003-02-09T21:39:00.000-08:00

traffic

when will they finally bring back color coding/odd-even or whatever it is that they call the traffic scheme that they suspended for two weeks?

awful really.

according to one AM station, Mayor Atienza does not mind the new traffic scheme. in fact, in his opinion, if only mmda were to properly enforce the rules than to prey on drivers who didn't know any better, then traffic would be a breeze instead of the pain it is these days.

i totally disagree. in the martian's words, "o. yang kotse sa harap na yan, kung may color coding, nandiyan na tayo. o, ayun pa isa. add to that the cars way up front that we can't even see and you know why we're still in katipunan and not in UP."

point taken.

2003-02-07T17:10:00.000-08:00

a dorm open house + take home midterm exams in specpro + relatives visiting = two hours of sleep + a splitting headache

* * *

this is one weekend that sneaked up on me without me even knowing what happened to the rest of the week.

* * *

this is my new phone, thanks to an aunt who was willing to take a year-old 8250 because she found her new phone not to her liking.

* * *

to the curious - you and you - the power shampoo treatment is nice, but no miracles. no major difference that i can see. think of it as a fling: feels great while you're at it, but in the end, you just get screwed.

2003-02-04T17:13:00.000-08:00

when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

i, on the other hand, make a mad dash to the nearest parlor.

teacher in civpro, after arriving nearly an hour late, decides to give a quiz. i have read, no question, but not enough to answer a quiz equal to five recitations. after half an hour of squeezing my brains, teacher collected the papers and told us we were free.

ok... no discussion. no way to rectify one's self. darn.

the atrocious green sign of reyes haircutters, together with the big print on the glass plate window that reads "haircut with free shampoo and blowdry 49.99" drew me near. i just had to have a haircut. i entrusted my now nice long hair to a stylist that had bleached blond hair that was turning quite brassy with really dark roots and told him exactly what i wanted: remove the thin layers at the end, keep it below the shoulders, do not cut any more layers except to fix them.

he followed every word. good boy (girl?).

i have never come across any stylist (or blowdry girl) who didn't market a whole slew of services while doing your hair. they suggested a power shampoo treatment (PhP100), hair spa (PhP350), and while we're at it, footspa (PhP250). Since i haven't finished the magazine i was reading (ok, i was still not over that darn quiz), i opted for a power shampoo treatment.

good deal. they spray this minty thing all over your hair, then they scrub it with this round palm brush, then they massage your scalp. i will definitely be back for this treatment.

but what's the deal with the PhP100 charge for the haircut? i was surprised when i was asked to pay a hundred bucks instead of the advertised PhP49.99. apparently, the longer your hair is the more expensive the cut? is it because they use more water to shampoo your hair, more shampoo and conditioner, and more electricity to blowdry it? do they base it on your hair length when you came in or the final hair length. i was too tired to argue. forked over my two hundred bucks, tipped the stylist and the blowdry girl, and left.

* * *

it was a good thing the cut was to my liking. otherwise, i would have raised holy hell.

* * *

i have my hair cut/colored/straightened/treated when i'm happy, sad, excited, broke, rich, depressed, agitated, etc.etc. tpie, my best friend at work, has once commented how evil i was to my hair. unlike her who has a specific stylist and blowdry girl she goes to in david's megamall ALL THE TIME, i would not hesitate to enter that dimly lit parlor filled with gays who had seen better days. one of the best cuts i have ever had was done by this gay guy who seemed one step away from AIDS whose parlor was right beside a beer garden in a dark corner of kalayaan avenue. on the other hand, i have never had a cut in a ricky reyes parlor (ooh. new add with ricky reyes and ruffa in the billboard with the tagline "ang ganda nila". gave me my first laugh of the day) that i kept for more than two days (honest). i've always thought, what the heck, it'll grow back.

except that there's this comment that keeps coming back to me: when you cut your hair rosa, like felicity, you always run the risk of losing in the ratings scale. (his evidence? he does not turn to look at me as often as he did in freshman law when i had long hair)

2003-01-31T18:16:00.000-08:00

sex and the city marathon foiled AGAIN. turns out that the pc at home, unlike the one i have in the dorm, does not have a program to read dvds.

darn.

* * *

am the force that will destroy the car that my mom has barely used. life savings dwindling at an alarming rate for mini-car repairs. bad idea warned me that i will spend much more before things finally "relax".

i have had more than three. if bad things come in threes, please make it stop. i simply can't afford it already.

2003-01-30T17:22:00.000-08:00

sex and the city marathon reduced to five episodes. turned out that the responsive pleading we filed for a civpro exercise was rejected by our pseudo court on the basis of a technicality.

darn. that meant three hours down the drain (well... law school is supposed to be the main deal but ...)

* * *

recitation sucked. big time.

* * *

but then again, today is another day. civpro again later. agref much later.

* * *

and weekend much, much later. sex and the city marathon, here i come!

2003-01-29T17:35:00.000-08:00

overheard in up campus-pantranco jeepney

girl: ang engot engot mo! ang tagal-tagal ko tong ginagamit, di naman nasisira.
guy: *mumble*
girl: eh ang engot engot mo!

* * *

overheard in mrt

girl 1: kung ayaw mong masagi, eh di mag-taxi ka o mag-eroplano ka kung gusto mo! ang pangit-pangit mo naman ang arte arte mo! (repeat five times, each time slightly increasing the volume)

and right before going down, try to have the last word
girl 1: ang pangit-pangit mo!
girl 2: ikaw rin!

* * *

my, my. aren't we all cranky today?

* * *

guess who's going to have a sex and the city marathon tonight?

me.

guess who's the proud owner of a brand new copy of coraline.

me.

ang saya-saya!

2003-01-28T18:52:00.000-08:00

he loves me more than i love him.

translation: your email inbox is filled with sweet mushy forwarded messages from him. you will have to clear your cellphone inbox more than once a day cause he sends you loads of text messages, from the inane "ligo lang ako" to the heart-warming "i love you, baby!". you will never have to ask for flowers cause before you even begin to count the days since he last gave you a bouquet, he's at your gate with a dozen roses. the last book you wanted, the last bag you lusted after, the last dark chocolate thin mints you craved for have all found their way to you without you even asking.

awww.

but being human, on one of the few nights that you can't sleep (most likely because you're feeling mighty guilty over not having studied for the next day's class yet) you wonder what your ex is doing, whether he's happy with the girl named cheryl who happens to be thinner, younger, and prettier (oh yes i think she is) that you. you think back: three years ago, he comforted me when i was too worried about the LAE, two years ago, we were at EDSA dos together, last year, ay last year sobra na kaming mag-away

but still, you wonder. was it because you let yourself go and stopped caring about how you looked? was it because you never liked gary granada and played snake on your cellphone while watching this jazz group at freedom bar? was it because you rushed things with him, introducing him to your lola/tita/tito/ninang/ninong/cousin/friends/teachers/classmates in law school even before you hit the six-month mark? was it because you became a high-maintenance b*tch demanding too much time?

you fall asleep thinking of these things. you dream of him, him asking you back and you hugging him insane with happiness. you dream of him telling you how stupid he was to have let someone like you let go.

five hours later you wake up.

ten messages received, all of them from your new boyfriend, saying basically the same thing: that he loves you so much.

now you want to hit your head against the wall for having been so stupid the night before. THIS is what love is. and no matter who is doing more of the giving, and never mind that you are doing most of the taking, this is exactly what your mom, in one of the many post-breakup conversations she had with you, has in mind. the kind of love where the man takes care of you, shows you how much he loves you, and proves, in so many little ways, that he will be a good father to your future children.

screw passion. it's easy to say that when you've got the real thing.

2003-01-25T20:14:00.000-08:00

the first movie i actually wanted to watch was dos exis. naive girl that i was, i actually thought there was a good story behind it basing it on the movie trailer.

disappointed as i was with dos exis, it didn't stop me from wanting to watch prosti after i saw its trailer. last night, i finally got to watch the movie in its full glory and i must admit, in spite of my pathetic fascination with aubrey miles, that i agree with this review.

Does she really speak that way? Her voice sounded like someone who just graduated from grade school, full of naiveté, even bordering on dumbness at times. This totally goes against the experienced way with which she engages in passionate trysts with jay manalo.

it's a good thing that she's very pretty. at least she can always do the dancing/singing/posing/hosting jobs which seem to work for rica peralejo.

2003-01-24T17:46:00.000-08:00

we passed the one month mark yesterday!

i must admit i had the most god-awful day -- don't ask why -- but him quietly listening to me while i bitched and whined and sulked then holding my hand after i was done more than made up for everything that went wrong.

that and the original prosti vcd he gave me.

2003-01-23T19:02:00.000-08:00

how is it that jules ledesma's official website has had more visitors than mine?

i'm willing to bet it was because jaemark linked him to pancit canton .

2003-01-22T18:31:00.000-08:00

thanks to everyone who voted! no, i'm not getting married yet but my best friend is. i'm going to be her maid of honor and she asked me to pick a design that i like. the wedding is a little more than seven months from now so i may lose ten to twenty pounds to do any dress justice but the height will forever be pegged at 5' 3" unfortunately.

* * *

surprisingly, no one picked number 1, which happens to be my current favorite as of the moment (i like its mini-train at the back!).

2003-01-21T17:23:00.000-08:00

need your help! please pick and cast your vote!

#1

#2

#3

#4

* * *

oh, and the theme is either yellow or peach.

2003-01-20T22:57:00.000-08:00

the traffic yesterday was more horrible than horrible.

it was a good thing that gloria decided not to run for the 2004 elections. otherwise, yesterday's traffic would sure be another nail in her coffin.

* * *

have spent the last three hours searching for a maid of honor gown.

nothing. nada. zilch. zero.

help!

2003-01-19T15:03:00.000-08:00

ang kapatid ko:

1) gwapo, nung sikat yung titanic, kamukha daw niya si leonardo di caprio. kung lokal ang trip mo, si dingdong dantes naman ang kamukha niya.

2) matalino, pilot class yan mula grade seven hanggang natapos nang high school. ang natapos niya nung college, physical therapy. (medyo natagalan nga lang.)

3) mapagmahal, sobra nga sa pagbibigay nang mahal kaya, yun, maraming minamahal.

4) magaling mag-basketball, varsity dati nung high school, parati pang first five yan sa liga sa amin.

5) masipag, maaga gumising para mag-trabaho.

6) marunong magluto.

* * *

at saka birthday niya ngayon ... eh wala pa akong regalo. kaya pinuri ko na lang siya.

* * *

he has ceased to be possessed by other people and has resumed regular broadcasting.

2003-01-19T03:57:00.000-08:00

my stylist is missing, again!

the stylist who has made my unruly hair stylish, smooth, and healthy-looking has resigned from ystilo and may have transferred to frank provost *gasp* or may have left the country.

*grumble grumble grumble*

i should've asked for his number when i had my last haircut. after his resignation from jesi mendez, i "found" him one day in ystilo salon. now he's missing again. i don't know where or when i'll chance upon him again.

2003-01-18T12:23:00.000-08:00

wala ba akong natutunan?

i was attempting to prepare a complaint for civpro when i realized that unless i take a MAJOR review in civil law under someone like leonen*, i might flunk the bar.

i've basically "coasted" along law school, not because i was any good at "lawyering" but i've been lucky enough with teachers who do not believe in flunking. i "slid" through oblicon with the lowest grade he gives, even if i absolutely have no idea what the basic differences between a void and voidable contract are (of course i can always check the codal provisions, but then again, i can't do that at the bar). same thing for a couple of other civil law subjects.

now, if it were something like labor, well, that i understand perfectly well.

but the problem is that civil law is a major part of lawyering. how the hell will i survive?

*except that he doesn't teach civil law review

2003-01-16T17:33:00.000-08:00

she's back!

* * *

ever thought of how your child will be like? no need to imagine. check this out.

2003-01-16T00:05:00.000-08:00

diamond motors finally called: it was just a thermostat problem! yipee! brought the car in at a little before eleven and they said i can get my car now.

the buttercup mobile (owing to the abundance of powerpuff paraphernalia) is ready to hit the road again!

* * *

whew ... i was bracing myself for a major radiator overhaul which would cost me P3,000 at least.

2003-01-14T19:54:00.000-08:00

decided to treat myself yesterday by skipping class.

ang saya nang walang civpro! spent the two hours i should've spent in pure i-might-get-called-on-to-recite-but-i-haven't-studied-that-well agony browsing through january's cosmopolitan. then i took a loooooong bath. then i tackled the asylum cases for pil.

happiness.

now i'd have to convince myself to study pleadings tonight and go to class tomorrow. GO TO CLASS ... GO TO CLASS... GO TO CLASS... GO TO CLASS... GO TO CLASS....

2003-01-13T23:32:00.000-08:00

it seems that a lot of people who end up on my site were actually searching for pictures of aubrey miles.

don't be disappointed. here's one for you!

*thank to malaya.com

2003-01-12T15:30:00.000-08:00

the thirteenth strikes again!

well, not really but the car was really on overheat mode this time.

before my mom turned over the car to me, she's been noticing how the temperature was always halfway up the gauge. she mentioned it to the casa when she had it repaired but the car came back with the same mid-of-the-gauge temperature. last sunday, the car's temperature went up to the 3/4 mark and i was quite scared as i had a bad experience with an overheating car when i was a kid when on new year's day, our car decided to overheat after putting up with plaridel, bulacan traffic for almost an our and a half.

tried to drain the radiator and replace it with clean water yesterday, hoping that the water replacement will rid the radiator of debris. no such luck. car even got worse.

today, i had to make a pitstop in the middle of c5 and depended on the gasoline boys of shell to calm down the car. thirty minutes later, i was on my way with a still overheating car.

i barely got to work.

now i know i'd have to shell out a couple more of thousands to get the damn radiator repaired.

f.u.c.k. the car's getting more expensive than my law school education.

* * *

~~buti na lang maganda yung suot ko ngayon.~~

according to the doctor, it looks like i gained weight. according to vanessa, my butt looks rectangular in my pants.

but, according to tpie, i look thin today.

siyempre si tpie and papaniwalaan ko. i know that if you were in my place you'd do the same thing.

2003-01-11T20:20:00.000-08:00

watched the 1215 a.m. screening of the two towers at atc with the martian ...

there's only one way to describe the film: it was BEAUTIFUL.

* * *

legolas was AMAZING ... but i liked the new elf better. he was BEAUTIFUL ...

i have to find out who he is. have to brush off the dust on my copy of the two towers and finally get down to reading it.

* * *

but not after finishing my copy of stephen king's rose madder which i got from powerbooks for P4.75.

2003-01-10T19:50:00.000-08:00

What do you do when you know you will be seeing your ex for the first time after breaking up?

First, you pick the outfit that makes you look thinner than usual.
Second, you wash your hair the night before so you'll have time to blow dry the day after.
Third, you arrive at work early and pretend that you're so swamped with work that you hardly had time to miss him.

What do you do after you've had lunch with your ex, seen the picture of the girl he replaced you with (who happens to be tall, sexy, with long hair, and definitely younger than you), and pretended that everything's so much better in your life now that he's gone?

First, you hit your head against the wall for having thought of doing such a stupid thing.
Second, you send a text message to your new boyfriend and tell him how much you love him.
Third, you go to the parlor to have something done.
Fourth, read your ex's thank message (for having lunch with him) over and over again looking for any signs of longing for you, and upon having found zilch signs, you...
Fifth, have a drinking session with a student that you're supposed to mentor but who ended up mentoring you.

2003-01-09T16:46:00.000-08:00

go on ... visit my bestfriend's site

* * *

i have to:
(1) see the doctor;
(2) pay my credit card bills;
(3) finish the handouts i plan to give later; and
(4) make sense out of pleadings.

*yawn*

may specpro pa bukas.

whoever coined up TGIF must've been somone who does not have camacho on saturdays.

2003-01-08T21:37:00.000-08:00

how do you like the new look?

* * *

thank you to blogskins, webmonkey for kids, and keli.

thank you to my boss for not bugging me too while i was doing this. hee.

2003-01-07T17:26:00.000-08:00

Ei ros, heard fr d grapevine dat sum1 was able 2 acces n read ur online diary. S dat true?

imagine waking up to THAT message.

* * *

very few people i know in real life (as opposed to people i've "met" on the net) know that this blog exists: vanvan, RA, specpro classmate, chio, jv, judy, and ina. everything's fairly hush-hush. last semester, a classmate in law school stumbled upon this blog and told some people about it but i strongly doubt if they still read this (the novelty has most likely worn off).

now i'm scared. who has read it? his former students here at work? his new students? his friends? people we both know in common?

i tried asking him that, but he has yet to reply.

* * *

from 7 this morning up to 9 i was in panic mode. then i thought -- eh gago pala kayo eh. nakikibasa kayo ng journal ng ibang tao. kung ayaw niyo yung malalaman niyo dito, problema niyo na yon.

why the hell would i take down this site, kill one of the things that helps me get through the rough days, if only because nahihiya ako with some of the stuff that i've written down?

* * *

i am doing the right thing, right?

* * *

back from the grave

there are things you bury in your past. mine was the fact that i was a failure at my first course, molecular biology and biotechnology. there was a time that i received three quatros (if only i were from another school -- this would've been good, diba?) in major subject. one of those was math 53. i vowed then that should i die, i would have myself cremated. my ashes would then be placed in salt and pepper shakers, to be used in making a batch of pancit bihon which will be served my math 53 teacher, among others.

guess who i saw today -- my math 53 teacher. and although he couldn't remember my name, he remembered me.

2003-01-06T17:53:00.000-08:00

kicked the faux fleece blanket to the end of the bed and convinced myself that i'll be able to sleep soundly last night. no such luck. like clockwork, i woke up in the middle of the night sniffling and sneezing.

help.

* * *

last day of classes last year, i was called on to recite for both agrarian reform law and public international law. it was shitty really, as there were only two of us in agrarian reform law and the teacher kept alternating between us, and for pil, i was the first one called on to recite on the north sea continental shelf cases and i was "on deck" for a little more than half an hour.

first day of classes this year, i was called on to recite for both subjects AGAIN. there were four of us in agrarian reform law this time, except that crazy teacher called on me and the other guy who was present again, and not the two other people. in pil, i was the last one called and i had to recite on the dissenting opinions and its connection to opinio juris and art VI.

to think these happened after i made a statement before both classes that i would not be called this time around.

2003-01-05T20:33:00.000-08:00

finally met the general a.k.a. the martian's mother. imagine that it was your first time to ever drive a car and you decided you wanted to pass through quezon circle then edsa and finally capping the trip off with sucat interchange -- THAT was how meeting his mom felt like.

but at least that's done and over with. whew.

* * *

today's the first day of REAL life: work, law school, dorm, and no martian less than a hundred meters away.

the entire vacation i was complaining how the martian was constantly at my house, either to visit me or my brother (they're really good friends). on my first night back at the dorm last night, i must've consumed my free text telling him i missed him badly.

you always want what you can't have. good thing i'm a girl and i can get away with it.

* * *

one of the pictures i took of me and the martian was uploaded by the mirror project. if you know me, go to the search button, type in my first and last name, and you'll get to the page where the picture is.

brace yourself...

* * *

am i allergic to my faux fleece blanket?

bought one from a bazaar held in school last christmas. been sleeping with it for the last two weeks. for a week now, i've had this nasty cold and i keep waking up in the middle of the night just to have a sneezing fit.

i want to get rid of it if only to help myself get better but i did spend money on it (money i couldn't spare, really) and it's so so cute.

2003-01-02T20:23:00.000-08:00

a boring lunch, three pieces of growers less-grease peanuts on the floor, and three hours later, i still don't know how to handle my first day of class.

i just hope my students NEVER find their way into this site...

2003-01-02T17:28:00.000-08:00

made it to work on time ... and i hope that wends and jen were able to do the same thing too!

* * *

your phone isn't really important (at least not like it used to) to you until you realize that you will be meeting people for dinner and you have no idea what their landline or cellphone numbers are and EVERYTHING is basically stored in your phone's memory.

darn.

* * *

things i didn't miss at work

(1) auntie's choppy english
(2) BB's incessant nagging about my thesis
(3) the deathly cold that prevents your brain from functioning, killing a few (more than few?) brain cells in the process
(4) the dress code
(5) CC's roving eye, checking your outfit for some flaw she could point out to the assistant dean
(6) food from the caf

things i did miss at work

(1) time apart from the martian
(2) unlimited internet access in a cool room
(3) wearing clothes that prevent you from eating a lot
(4) conversations with vanvan
(5) super special siopao

thing i'm not sure of ...
whether i'm ready to face a classroom full of students again

and that's why i have to force myself to log off now ... after the month-long sick leave, plus the extra weeks that BB kept me away from teaching to recuperate from the operation, i will be teaching my FIRST class for the semester today. wish me luck.

2003-01-01T19:08:00.000-08:00

today i feel

first working day of the year ... and i got here late! i had set my alarm for six, planned to leave by seven, so i'd be at work by 8:30. no such luck. the lamp a hopeful suitor gave me three years ago chose last night to say goodbye to me... and it did it with a bang, bringing down with it the power supply to all the outlets in all the rooms. had to make a call to our electrician who mercifully said yes to our request.

he arrived at 8:15 a.m., tinkered with the big gray box, and left thirty minutes later, P250 richer.

* * *

after a week and a half at home, with the martian constantly making house calls, i was excited to go back to work, that is until BB called vanvan and i witnessed a LOOOOONG phone conversation between the two of them, with BB insisting on AGAIN changing several things about the practicum program.

grabe ... an hour and a half into the first working day of the year and i was ready to go on vacation again.

2002-12-31T03:17:00.000-08:00

enjoy the last five hours of 2002 ... here's to a great year ahead of us!

2002-12-30T07:29:00.000-08:00

am i falling into the same old relationship trap again?

was out on my usual we-will-make-time-for-each-other-because-it's-the-holidays gimmick with two of my bestest friends from church when the longing to hang out with the martian struck. while trying to have a decent conversation with my friends, i was having a nice text conversation with my baby...

bad bad bad bad ... i SHOULD NOT fall into this relationship pitfall...

i have friends. i will make time for my friends. my world will not revolve around him ... not now, not ever.

2002-12-28T17:22:00.000-08:00

i love pancit canton.

* * *

can i give up my shopping addiction? probably, after all, a huge chunk of my salary this payday is going to bpi mastercard.

* * *

was planning to use the two-week vacation to make the thesis revisions that BB has been asking for for the longest time. i've been off work for more than a week already and all i've accomplished is visiting a whole lot of malls, tiangges, and gaining weight. that, and rekindling my ties with my sims.

ahh, the sims. time to log-off now ... have to start building houses ...

2002-12-27T17:35:00.000-08:00

resolutions

i figured i'm more bound to keep my resolutions if i put them on-line. so here goes...(and in no particular order)

1. to be a better person when in a relationship. i promise not to boss him around, take him for granted, pick fights when i'm pissed. but i will never be a doormat again.

2. to take better care of my things. i promise to make sure bags are returned to their rightful places when not in use, that shoes will be polished before being returned to their boxes, and that clothes will be washed and pressed lovingly.

3. to start studying seriously. i promise to make and submit case digests on time, finish the reading load for the next day before i sleep, and to not text my martian during specpro. i also promise not to cut specpro and civpro anymore.

4. to be a better employee. i promise not to study for law while at work, to prepare lesson plans, to make sure the readings are complete, and not to say bad things about bb behind her back anymore.

5. to be a better friend. i promise to make time for my friends, both at work, from church, and in law school. i promise that my martian will not be the center of my universe as ex used to be.

6. to be a better christian. i promise to make time for god.

7. to be a better sister and daughter. i promise not to scream at my brother anymore, not to hate my parents when they're mad at me, and to do my duties more dutifully.

8. to be less of a plague when driving. ha! asa pa...

2002-12-26T18:08:00.000-08:00

should i be shocked?

the ex is a closet fan of lito lapid and since i didn't reply to his christmas message i decided to brave another possible round of tears by wishing his idol good luck on this year's film fest.

he did reply, and boy did i find out more than i was bargaining for. apparently the MAJOR reason why he decided to formalize our break up (if you call texting formal) was because he had finally met someone. she's a student, nine years his junior, and apparently shares a passion for movies (i always fell asleep watching his boring movies). he claims they have nothing in common but he likes her.

masakit diba? in a fit of desperation, i called bestest ex and bawled my heart out. he pointed out to me that i also had someone else -- my martian -- and i should be totally over the ex, right?

no such thing. i realized that when you have spent (wasted?) almost three years of your life with someone, you get affected by these things. rage gives way to tears, a whole lot of tears, especially when for the longest time you were the one trying to make things work out. yun pala may bagong karne nang nilalandi.

i've always told him in the past that i was scared of his students, with them hitting on him too much. he kept denying that he had any interest whatsoever, that he will NEVER hit on a student, them being too young and all. and then this. makes me feel like everything he has told me was one big fat lie.

* * *

but, i'm lucky. i found the one. i just hope and pray he stays the one forever.

2002-12-26T18:05:00.000-08:00

watched mano po with my martian last night...

... if only they didn't cry so much
... if only their chinese voices didn't sound so much unlike them
... if only they didn't try to incorporate action, comedy, and drama all in one film
... if only fewer people died to get the point across
... if only ...

haaay. but i'm willing to bet this would be one of the better ones.

2002-12-25T17:59:00.000-08:00

dreamt of specpro classmate last night...

* * *

have to swear off eating for the next six days ... have eaten more than enough ...

on the other hand, aunt gave me four fruitcakes ... hmmm.

diet can wait until january 2. by then my salary would've gone to credit card bill and i'd be virtually broke. fruitcake can tide me over till next payday.

2002-12-24T03:13:00.000-08:00

we're officially a couple today ... best greeting i got was from my mom who sent me an email sending christmas greetings to mars from his "future mother-in-law".

now if only i can win over mars' mom.

the other day i nearly called the entire christmas plan off when his mom and dad freaked out when they found out we were in santa rosa, laguna. it was my grandmother's birthday and he got invited to the family dinner. his mom called and she started spewing expletives when she found out where we were. some of the expletives, i believe, were aimed at me.

mothers ...

i know i'm supposed to understand but sometimes, i'm tempted to whip out my resume and remind his mom that it does not get any better than me... but then again, a mother's love is the toughest, strongest love there is. i should know -- i see it everyday between my mom and kit.

* * *

merry christmas, everyone! i hope your holidays are as happy, blessed, and fun as mine, if not more.

2002-12-21T20:05:00.000-08:00

good deed for the holidays: gave my old bike to our regular gardener. felt so damn good.

2002-12-18T18:06:00.000-08:00

And I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Knowing that she's inches from me
- Passenger Seat by Stephen Speaks

* * *

last tuesday as i got into mars' car, he played the song "passenger seat" by stephen speaks. it was the sweetest song i've ever heard (especially the acoustic version). guys, i suggest that if you want to win your girls over, this is the song.

2002-12-18T02:28:00.000-08:00

arrived at the office at ten so making up for lost time. doesn't really matter cause the bosses aren't here, but at least when they check my time, it'll reflect the "effort" i put into staying this late.

now i don't really know what's the deal with making faculty members in this university stay for 9 hours (including lunch!) in the freezer-like atmosphere of the faculty room. it's not like there's intelligent conversation going on between us, in fact, the better conversations usually happen during lunch at pacific, while commuting home, or after work in a coffee shop. probably it's the inhuman temperature that they insist putting the aircondition on everyday, or the curious stares that some people give you when you seem to be having too much fun.

anyway, i spent a good part of my day in megamall getting gifts - a gift actually. i finally got the fossil watch that mars wanted... actually the watch i wanted for him cause it just looks so damn good on his wrist... (well, we're matching, he got me the hers version of the watch.)... then i got myself citre shampoo which i've always wanted but was too expensive for a teacher's meager salary, and lastly the thick padded lining you get for shoes. happiness. judy got herself another bauble for this wedding that she's attending (so far she has gotten a pair of earrings, a necklace, a bracelet, and a bag in the space of two days. today she got a headband which doubles as a tiny tiara).

am broke ... much more broke than i was over the weekend.

* * *

daddy of mars is having the operator of the jeep that hit me summoned to his office. yay. might just recover my P3500 ... but then again, this is the government we're talking about.

ah basta... i'm willing to settle for a MAJOR incovenience on the part of the operator.

2002-12-17T18:21:00.000-08:00

turning catholic

ironically, it was when my dad started working in a moslem country did he find god and started becoming active in church. one summer when my mom went on vacation there, she likewise became born again. it was not long before my entire family was in a christian church. in spite of growing up in a catholic school, being born to a family of catholics, and having friends who i go to a catholic mass every sunday with, i got converted into christianity.

well, fast forward to twelve years (or more!) later, i'm almost together with a guy i had previously turned down because of the religion issues. and last night, i found myself inside UP's chapel for the first time, hearing mass with my dear mars. his wish was that we hear mass together, if only to thank god for helping us find each other again at the right time. i can still remember what to say at what time, when to stand and when to kneel. the best part (and i've always believed this to be true, even when i was not catholic anymore) is when you kneel right before communion and you can pray for as long (well, five minutes max, or depending on how long communion is) and as hard as you want. this part is magical, as i believe that the prayers uttered at this moment receive an extra lift on its way to heaven.

now, believing in this extra lift concept, i prayed long and hard that my parents would find themselves once more in love with each other. an email i received from my mom this morning debunked my extra lift theory. my father has grown more rude towards my mom (if that's actually possible) and my mom is itching to go home.

still, it won't hurt to make it later at nine ... after all, one mass may not be enough.

2002-12-16T18:15:00.000-08:00

say goodbye to the bad weekend

the bad luck that friday the 13th brought me continued well into the weekend.

saturday:
(1) water supply that comes every other day, for an hour and half, never came. apparently pump was broken. no water. and to think brother and i decided to do our laundry together. we had enough water left for one bath each. we just have to figure out where we'll take a bath on sunday.
(2) red sleeves of new white shirt bled. goodbye new favorite white shirt. no amount of scrubbing with ariel could fix it. every time i washed it, red sleeves keep getting red back onto the white portion.
(3) logged on too late and wasn't able to meet my mom on-line. stayed on-line for the next three hours -- nada. (but did get to chat with someone ... hmmm.)
(4) was forced to cut class cause i stayed on-line too long and i still had to buy the sidemirror. that meant me not being able to go to banawe and get the sidemirror cheaper. darn.
(5) couldn't buy anything from the mall. it was too cramped and there was nothing good. considering i have once contemplated shopping as a career, this is supremely bad.

sunday
(1) no more water left ... as in not even a drop. was able to take a bath only at 7 p.m. when i got to the dorm. car mercifully didn't absorb my smell.
(2) rey texted. more on this later.

monday
(1) contact lens fell off

* * *

had to ask RA to bless me with his hand sprinkling motion ... it worked. today i managed to get from origin to destination without having to restart the car at all. WAGI!!!!

* * *

received two messages from rey last sunday. he was breaking up with me.

whoa. i thought we've broken up a long time ago. when we discussed it last september, he told me he didn't know whether what we had was worth saving. i asked him whether we were friends or we were together and his answer was, again, "i don't know."

i took that to mean we're through in every sense of the word. no contact from him, no nothing. i stopped texting too and presumed that i was as single as single can be, no hitches.

imagine the shock of my life when right after the wound has healed he had to tell me VIA TEXT that he was breaking up with me.

* * *

such a loser. loser loser loser loser.

2002-12-14T17:55:00.000-08:00

stupid jeepney driver cost me more time and money that i bargrained for. spent the entire morning calling different auto supplies stores and car dealers than i knew existed, then the entire afternoon deciding, buying, and finally installing the damn sidemirror. prices ranged from P350 for a pair of taiwan sidemirror lenses to P6000 for an original mitsubishi right sidemirror assembly. at first i couldn't believe my ears -- sixfuckingthousand for a sidemirror? that probably cost more than the sheet metal sarao used to construct that stupid jeep!

i couldn't breathe after that ... that was a semester's tuition. one semester of law school versus a plastic and glass assembly that sticks out from the side of your car making it an ideal target for stupid jeepney drivers.

i could get a "replacement" -- looks the same, fits the same, but is not the same -- but i'm willing to bet my mom would find out it wasn't the real deal in an instant. that would set me back only by a little more than a thousand. the price of regalado's civil procedure book... not bad.

"fear of mother" finally won out in the end. but i had to be practical too. found an original assembly for P4150 somewhere in pasay so i went over there to check out the thing. first they showed me a painted over sidemirror (what? i called, i said black, there's no such thing as a color-keyed side-mirror for my car model! do you know what you're doing?) then a nice brand new one (but that's left! i said right!right!right!), then a really ratty one (diyos mio, mas warak pa to kaysa sa sidemirror na papalitan ko!), then one that looked used but wasn't so bad...

P3500 bucks later, i was on my way home clutching the side mirror assembly... i brought the car over marion's place and he installed it for me. by 6 p.m. i was fine. life can go back to normal.

* * *

life being normal meant indulging in a foot spa that my budget couldn't simply afford after buying a side-mirror assembly.

still, a girl has her priorities. i may be dirt poor right now but my feet are oh-so-smooth.

2002-12-13T16:03:00.000-08:00

friday the 13th

something bad just had to happen on friday the thirteenth.

at 11 p.m. i was already thinking i had gotten away with a good day. i remember years ago when my mom wouldn't even venture out the house, much less drive a car, on friday the 13th. she has had three to four bad experiences and was unwilling to repeat them again.

yesterday, kept thinking whether i should bring the car home or just have mars pick me up since that's what he usually does. however, since i need the driving practice, i took the car.

i left UP at 930 p.m. after i had eaten at our corridor party. by 11, i was still stuck in the makati tunnel. jeep clipped my side mirror as i was exiting the tunnel. the driver had the gall to get off the jeep, check the stainless steel body of his passenger jeep (which was "private" that day), and shout "wala kang nabangga. okay lang."

WHAT THE FUCK? it was he who hit me, and my side mirror was in this awful angle. i immediately called mars and told him what happened plus gave him the jeep's plate number. all i could do was chase after the jeep, except that the passengers at the back kept avoiding my honks and flashing lights, one even shouting "ikaw may kasalanan!"

had to go home feeling dejected. with each kilometer, my driving self confidence slowly dived down.

now, not only do i have to cut class in order to have the side mirror fixed (immediately so my brother won't know and consequently tell my mom), i have to shell out a lot of money for something that was not my fault.

* * *

if i know you from real life, and you read this post, please, please, please do not rib me for the accident. yes, fine, i'm a bad driver. enough said, ok. i don't think i can take your comments about how i am not worthy of a car on top of by now non-existent self-esteem.

2002-12-11T17:27:00.000-08:00

good things come to those who wait

yeah, so fine i didn't really wait but since the operation, things have been going really well in my life. i had a week-long vacation from all the hassles of life while i was in cabanatuan, then an additional two weeks off from work while i was getting used to the first few weeks of law, then when i got back, everything seemed "normal", no it's-so-awkward-cause-i've-been-gone-for-one-month feeling ... i also got to do some shopping for myself, take care of the stuff at home, manage to actually drive the car ...

and best of all, i found the one.

we talked yesterday and we decided (now this will definitely be weird) that we want our anniversary to be on a really special day, not some random day when love fell on both of us in one big swoop. so, i asked him if it'll be okay that we officially become an item on december 24. it's corny cause it's christmas eve and all that but ten years ago, he asked me to be his girlfriend on christmas eve.

it's really weird how for the longest time my blog was filled with numerous (i'll admit it now) pathetic posts about me chasing after rey. i honestly wanted to work things out with him, panindigan ang sinimulan but it's really hard when you're the only one trying. for a while i was feeling a bit guilty over the entire mars thing, thinking that i'm just looking for someone to fill in the gap that rey has left in my life but one day i just realized that hey, i don't have to a martyr and all that. there's no rule that says i have to be "widowed" for a long time before i allow myself to love someone again.

and one day, i just realized that i actually loved him. loving doesn't have to be hard, full of sacrifices, painful... it's meant to be happy, light, and most of all, something that makes you "bloom" so to speak.

so there. i gave in.

i really really really love him now.

(oh and one more good thing -- i finally got the increase i've been waiting for! it's 5%, totally negligible, but it's an increase nonetheless. sinamahan naman nila ng performance bonus eh. ang bait, diba?)
* * *

kadiri ba? pagbigyan niyo lang ako... ngayon lang yan. will be back to my normal cynical bitter self soon... but then again, who wants to be bitter and cynical, right? will leave that to jessica zafra.

* * *

by the way, my brother wants me to tell everyone that he'll be getting me the dakki powerpuff car headrest. so that's two things off my christmas checklist -- ability to drive in edsa, and the pillows.

2002-12-09T23:13:00.000-08:00

favor ...

if anyone has the mp3 of "here with me", jennifer paige's version of the plumb original, would you please email it to me? pretty please? pleae? please?

2002-12-09T20:14:00.000-08:00

medicine doctor injected in my tummy an hour ago costs more than my month's salary. it's not that i make much but i manage ... no i can't imagine how people who make less than i do manage. one of my friends, a, make a little more than i do but he's married, with two kids and another one on the way. he spends way more than i do and yet seems to be ok.

all of a sudden you ask what you have been doing with the twice a month paychecks you receive. i can't even afford to keep myself fed with jollibee spaghetti and burger steak meal! (my current addiction)

* * *

people have been commenting how happy and cheerful i've been recently. warning though: the hormone they injected is supposed to make me menopausal for the next three to six months. wonder how that feels.

2002-12-07T17:19:00.000-08:00

bad alda's memories

alda's, according to some people, is THE place ... i used to think so myself.

when rey brought me there for the first time, i fell in love with it! it's cozy and dimly lit, the food is amazing, it has none of the young, loud teenage crowd you'd usually find hanging out in starbucks. it was OUR place, i said to myself.

it became a ritual of sorts for us. the grasshopper mint pie was the surefire way to "fix" anything that was wrong. on my 25th birthday, my family, rey, and i ate at alda's -- i wanted to eat in my most favorite place with my most favorite people.

big mistake. my mom hated the food, my brother's ex was there (my mom invited her) and she ruined it for my brother, then they ruined it for me by charging me on TWO cards (they returned the first card -- a debit card -- to me saying they don't accept. i found out two days later that the bank charged me already cause the cashier swiped it already. when i called alda's to complain, they even denied the fact that they accept credit cards and hung up on me!). the day after, rey and i broke up.

i wish my memories of alda's are better. i used to hope that one day, my future husband would propose to me there, or that we'd celebrate the baptism of our first child there. i want to bring mars there too.

but maybe inasmuch as i've said goodbye to the thought of rey and i ever being together at all, i might as well say goodbye to my once-favorite restaurant. after all, the memories of alda's all rightfully belong to the past.

2002-12-05T18:26:00.000-08:00

it doesn't feel like christmas, it does not look like christmas ...

but when pam sent me three aubrey miles pictures ... well, i just had to give in to christmas, right?

why am i thinking of aubrey miles when it should be marc nelson i should be fantasizing about? must be the missing ovary ...

* * *

love my brother ...

we snuck out of the billiard hall to get food from 7-11 and while we were in the van together he asked me what i wanted for christmas. told him that i want the powerpuff dakki car headrest (see christmas list). he asked me which one i wanted and how much it cost. told him i wanted buttercup and that it cost P190 each.

he said, ay mura lang pala.

wow. this is from the guy who'd stay at home to save money, the guy who'd commute all the way to his gf's house in novaliches cause gas is expensive.

and the double wow part was when he told me that he had something else planned -- neil gaiman's coraline. i had mentioned to him in the past how i wanted neil gaiman's children's story ... i actually forgot to include it in my christmas list the other day.

was speechless.

* * *

guess where my driving prowess took me yesterday -- EDSA.

wow, wow, wow.

ang galing galing ko.

* * *

traffic in expressway (what expressway? it's like saying, to borrow a line from foucault's pendulum, urban planning for gypsies) was so bad last night that i was able to master the first gear, learn how not to slide while on a slope, and squeeze my car in the tiniest of spaces. before i knew it, i was in between two big trucks, a stupid mmda enforcer, and a small window to traffic-less heaven.

did i survive the test?

hell, yeah. am good *pat self at the back* ... really good... amazingly good...

* * *

parking na lang talaga sa garahe ang di kaya ng powers ko!

2002-12-03T17:56:00.000-08:00

utter lack of christmas spirit ... *gasp* ... so so not me.

i have a favorite christmas song (we three kings), a favorite christmas album (i can't remeber the title but we have it in LP and when the record player got broken we had to get it in cd), christmas wrapper rules (1. no blue christmas wrappers - malas and 2. no santa claus in wrappers), and my very own christmas tree which my mom bought for me when i was a freshman in college and got too depressed that i will not be seeing the tree at home on a regular basis.

it's 21 days until christmas and i have yet to make a christmas list, touch a christmas wrapper, save for christmas gifts, and play my favorite christmas album.

ano ba 'yan. di na nga ako naniniwala sa love, di na rin ba ako naniniwala sa pasko ngayon?

* * *

but if YOU believe in christmas ... by all means, get me a gift!

i want ...
1. the buttercup dakki pillow that you attach to the headrest of your car (shaped like her head!)
2. leather seatcovers
3. e-pass that would never need to be reloaded
4. a completed thesis
5. feria book on civil law procedure, volume 2
6. unlimited supply of cross ballpen refills, fine point, black
7. inquirer libre reserved for me at the quezon ave. station no matter what time i get there
8. my mom and dad back together
9. vcd player, even if it be the cheap one from greenhills
10. laptop upgrade
11. the ability to drive in edsa without fear
12. male model #4 from last saturday's bikini open
13. a vhs of the virgin suicides... and the book too, if you don't mind
14. fhm poster with aubrey miles (labo ba?)
15. a new watch
16. sharon cuneta's autograph ... fine, dinner with sharon cuneta so i can get her autograph in person
17. premiere tickets to the next lotr movie
18. trip to hongkong
19. a full body massage, body scrub, facial, and hair treatments
20. for my favorite people to never stop blogging.

* * *

merry christmas everyone!

2002-12-02T17:57:00.000-08:00

idols

one day you realize that the reason why you log on serious internet time everyday is because you are hooked to the lives they lead. then it hits you ... to a certain extent you want to be like them (well, with the exception of one blog i used to read because of the perverse pleasure of correcting the author's grammar -- diba, pam?) ...

you read bea's blog and you wish you had her optimism, her sunny disposition, and her sweetness. follow bea's link to bunny's blog and you're faced with a girl whose quiet strength jumps out of the screen.

you go to the first blog you read everyday -- pam's blog and wish you were able to do as much at that age. you feel like an ate of sorts, mentally joining her in her journeys, feeling down when she's down and as high as she can be when she's in love. she also introduces you to her best friend, j, who you immediately feel protective of for some reason or the other.

and then there's chel who feels like someone you met in high school, someone, who like you, gets along with guy friends, uses shopping as therapy, and writes like there's no tomorrow. fast forward a couple of years and you wish you're like unica hija who drives like a maniac, works like a maniac, shops like a maniac, loves like a maniac in a world where everyone is just average.

you wish you could write like them, cheesedip and psychicpants ... but can't.

and then there are those who said goodbye -- ecstatic spastic and tina, webpages you check every so often on the off chance that they might still be around.

and so because you idolize them, you blog too.

2002-11-30T21:54:00.000-08:00

long weekend has left a major dent on my wallet ...

but ... freedom that comes from being the one with the car + nice shiny car courtesy of car wash + nice new beige bag with suede fringe + new rubber shoes + new shirt + new sandals + fun with friends + bikini open at street life + a smile from the male winner of the bikini open + finally being able to claim i'm not the driving bozo they think i am ...

worth it. worth every penny.

* * *

speaking of the bikini open ...

male and female models we were rooting for won! when guy number 4 (our guy) was piling up food on the buffet table after the contest, i couldn't help but stare, not because of his being hot but because he was eating quite a lot. he looked my way and smiled ... i smiled... pffft. that's it. no amazing stories of how he sat beside me, yada yada ...

friends wanted to burst my bubble further -- he wasn't smiling at me ... he was smiling at bestest ex.

* * *

won premiere tickets all because i have two hundred bucks as taong bahay in my wallet. in heels, i leaped over the back of our booth to be the first one up front with my bill. i was actually fumbling with my wallet for a good thirty seconds before i was finally able to hand it over to the host.

but judy's win was better ... since we wanted to win more tickets, we were poised to jump over the booth anytime (it was the "shortcut" -- otherwise we'd have to squeeze through all our other friends, pass by the stairs, etc). they wanted us to name one sponsor of the event. the two of us were standing but too ashamed to leap. was squealing to judy"clorox! clorox!"

judy had this bewildered look. "anong clorox? zonrox!" since we were both standing up on our chairs, host went over to us, commenting "you two seem really excited, so excited that the boyfriend's covering his face!"

judy replied "di niya yan boyfriend! (referring to bestest ex) ... ex niya yan!"

we won the tickets.

2002-11-28T17:34:00.000-08:00

brace yourself ... i drove ALONE from UP all the way home in the south...

didn't kill anyone. didn't scratch the car one bit. engine died on me only twice.

whew.

didn't have to turn on the aircon anymore as my hands were deathly cold from the physical (from gripping the steering wheel too hard), mental (from thinking i will not, cannot, and should not swerve lanes when someone cuts in front of me), and spiritutal (prayed like i have never prayed before) effort that driving is for me.

now, i can do anything ... well, maybe except park the car in the garage. THAT will have to wait.

* * *

when i started blogging, happiness was when my favorite blog linked me. now i want to be part of his possessions series. but that's asking too much.

* * *

p***** i**! i have to sell TEN f*****g tickets for nine mornings by monday. i hate the sanggumay residence hall house council for coming up with such a stupid idea! i have no problem with the fact that the proceeds will go to papa john center for orphans ... but WTF is the deal with making us sell tickets? maybe if they asked for donations instead, i would have gladly shelled out part of my 13th month pay, but to sell ten useless tickets for a 3 p.m. showing (who the hell would want to watch 9 mornings at 3 in the afternoon? people work, you old maid freaks!) without having even consulted us before committing to the movie .... grrr. i can kill (fine, maim maybe) right now.

but just in case you want to watch (i know i'll be working that day so i can pay for the f*****g tickets!), they're for 40 bucks each, to be shown at the UP Film Center at 3 on December 4. the tickets are on me ... just tell me if you want them.

2002-11-27T22:16:00.000-08:00

today's the birthday of one of my most favorite law students in the world ...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ... well you know who you are...

p.s. nasaan na ang napoloenes ko?

2002-11-26T22:36:00.000-08:00

i am a postive threat to all living things when i drive. yesterday, i nearly:
(1) sideswiped a person riding a bike along meralco avenue (but honestly, who rides a bike on a road as busy as meralco avenue?)
(2) backed into a car as i was inching along cp garcia avenue (not my fault, really. car was too near behind me!)

* * *

dared to bring the car with me today to the shopping center. it's less than one hundred meters from sanggumay but my excuse is that it's raining and i need the practice. still contemplating whether i deserve to bring it all the way to law school where parking is hell ...

i don't think so. i might run over someone who is destined to be the next supreme court justice. would not want to alter the future with my recklessness.

2002-11-24T23:19:00.000-08:00

i have become awfully shallow these days. since i began riding with judy, one of the the things that cracks me up is one radio station's ID which goes something like "kailangan pa bang i-memorize yan?"

it used to irritate the hell out of me. i'd hear it everywhere. if you're a commuter, you'd know what i mean. countless buses, jeepneys, and tricycles are hooked on to this station. thought i'd escape it when i began riding home with judy over the semestral break. no such luck. judy's hooked, probably because they do have a tendency to play the songs you spend half an hour looking for in different radio stations.

eventually, i fell in love with the line, and judy, told mars. so, even if i haven't been with judy for almost a month owing to my month-long break from work, there's someone in my life who'd gladly text me the line every so often.

* * *

incidentally, my favorite stall in the shopping center is also hooked on the same station.

2002-11-23T12:09:00.000-08:00

chatting with mom over the net made me realize that sometimes, distance can bring two people closer together. i'm surprised how she has expressed her confidence in my driving, how she trusts me, and how she really cares a lot about me too, not just my brother.

i wish that she'd be strong enough to get through this trial in her life.

2002-11-22T21:12:00.000-08:00

sometimes, what matters really is not how much you love that person, but how much that person loves you.

* * *

last night, after virtually ignoring mars the entire day, commanding him not to show up and instead pick me up saturday instead, he did show up outside my dormitory at 9:30 in the evening.

he told me he knew i had a lot of problems and that he felt really bothered over the fact that i was not talking to him. to make me feel better, he just decided to show up, with a dozen white roses. five minutes was all that he wanted and needed to convince himself that i was fine. i can make him leave after that.

wow.

* * *

wilma, my roommate, told me why not go for mars. she believes that it's the best way to get over rey.

told her it would be unfair, that i would just be using the really amazing guy to get over a total creep.

she said it does not really matter unless he finds out. the trick is for him not to find out.

ang sama. given the fact that i have come to believe that rey's presence in my life was bad karma for the times i had treated ex-boyfriends badly, i don't think i will do that.

what i did was to talk to mars, honestly. told him i was not ready for a relationship yet, and that even if i did love him, i would not be able to be the kind of girlfriend he deserves. told him to give me one year to sort things out -- my family, myself, my career, my studies.

had the best sleep ever.

* * *

postscript: ganda ng snowflakes ni bunny. i want! i want! i want!

2002-11-21T21:52:00.000-08:00

paano na ang pasko?

2002-11-20T22:39:00.000-08:00

purely personal post ...

my parents are most likely splitting up.

i've heard and seen them fight and for the longest time i knew it was coming. my mom has always been the one who wanted to split up with my dad. i've always told them that if they want to separate, then they have my support. no use staying with someone you do not love anymore.

but now, things have changed. my mom went back to the states to finally work on their marriage. she wants to show him she's sincere and that she wants to work things out. now it's my dad who wants out.

now, i don't feel fine ...
maybe it's my experience with rey, that knowledge that when it's the guy who finally says he does not want to stay anymore, when it's the guy who's firm with the separation, it usually is final. moreover, it's that nagging feeling that when guys want out, it's because there's someone else in their life.

i love my dad and all, but this one really is bad. i feel as if he has done something wrong to me too.

ayoko na.

there was a time after a very bad fight with my mother that i wanted to pack everything, leave, and settle somewhere else (somewhere like bacolod) where they would not be able to contact me anymore and i would be free of all the hurt and pain that family usually brings. the only thing that stopped me from leaving was the thought that if i left, i would not be able to see my dad anymore. and now, i find out about this from my dad, and my dad has not even mentioned anything -- no email, no phone call -- of his decision. it's as if he's divorcing us kids too.

today i wish i can crawl under a rock and die.

2002-11-19T22:03:00.000-08:00

ngayon ko lang nalaman kung gaano talaga kahirap yumuko papasok sa jeep.

was too scared to drive to sm north, to cheap to take a cab, so was forced to ride the sm north - up campus jeep to get to the mall. as usual, the only seat available was one way down the end of the jeepney so did the usual walking with half of my body bent down towards the seat.

oh my gosh. masakit.

spent the entire ride to sm trying to appease my throbbing puson. felt pain both on the skin and on the inside. had visions of my now-severed reproductive system limply hanging inside my body helpless.

pain slowly went away. it totally disappeared when i saw my first "sale" sign. so much for buying that book for public international law.

went home with a pair of jeans, and no book. justified the purchase by thinking that i have no jeans, save for the one i'm wearing today, and i couldn't possibly wear my work clothes while on vacation.

2002-11-18T20:28:00.000-08:00

i'm having the weirdest dreams. the other night my dream was like a reunion of my exes. d, the stringbean, was there, and so was a, the weirdo. didn't see the others, whew, but when two ex-boyfriends who you have not seen nor heard from in years make an appearance in the same week that opus dei dreams do, well, you begin to think that the doctors must have done something wrong with your brain too.